How do you contact a reference - and what do you ask?

Checking a carer’s references helps you understand how they work in real-life situations, not just on paper. A short conversation with a previous employer, client, or care manager can reveal their reliability, competence, and personality - giving families the reassurance they need before welcoming someone into their home.

Finding the right carer involves more than reviewing qualifications and conducting interviews. Speaking directly with someone who has previously worked with the carer can provide valuable insight into how they perform day to day.

A short, structured reference check can help you confirm both practical skills and personal qualities.

In This Guide

How to contact a carer’s references
What questions reveal practical competence
How to assess reliability and professionalism
Why personality and emotional intelligence matter
How to interpret the conversation with confidence

How Do You Contact a Carer’s References?

Contacting references is usually simple: introduce yourself, confirm their relationship to the carer, and arrange a short phone conversation. Speaking directly often provides far more insight than written references alone.

As part of the recruitment process, carers are typically asked to provide at least two recent professional references. These often include:

A previous employer
A client or family member they have supported
A care manager or supervisor

Once you receive these details, you are free to contact the referees directly.

When reaching out, it helps to keep the conversation clear and respectful:

Introduce yourself and explain you are considering the carer for a role
Confirm the referee’s relationship to the carer
Ask how long they worked together
Request a short phone call rather than relying only on written references

Even a brief call can give you a much clearer understanding of the carer’s experience and approach.

What Should You Ask About a Carer’s Competence?

Questions about competence help you understand how the carer performs essential tasks and handles real-life situations. The goal is to confirm that their skills match the needs of your loved one.

You might ask questions such as:

What type of care did they provide?
Were they confident delivering the required care tasks?
How did they handle unexpected situations?
Were there any concerns about safety or standards?
Would you trust them again with complex or sensitive care needs?

Pay attention not only to the answers, but also to how confidently and comfortably the referee responds.

Definition: What Is “Care Competence”?

Care competence refers to a carer’s ability to safely and effectively deliver the support someone needs, while maintaining dignity, independence, and wellbeing. It combines practical skills, good judgement, and the ability to adapt when circumstances change.

How Can You Assess a Carer’s Reliability?

Reliability in care means consistency - showing up on time, communicating clearly, and following agreed care plans. Small details often reveal whether someone can be trusted day to day.

You may want to ask:

Were they punctual and dependable?
Did they communicate clearly and promptly?
Did they follow care plans and instructions carefully?
How did they manage professional boundaries?

Consistent reliability is one of the strongest indicators of a professional carer.

Why Does Personality and Fit Matter in Care?

Care is deeply personal, so personality and emotional intelligence are just as important as technical skills. The right carer should make the person receiving care feel comfortable, respected, and supported.

Consider asking questions like:

How did they interact with your loved one?
Were they patient and compassionate?
How did they respond to emotional or challenging situations?
How well did they fit into the home environment?

These questions help you understand the human side of care - warmth, empathy, and respect.

Real-Life Example

For example, a referee might explain that a carer:

Took time each morning to chat and build rapport
Helped reduce anxiety during difficult moments
Adapted routines to make the person feel more comfortable

Insights like this often reveal far more about the carer’s approach than a written reference alone.

How Should You Interpret the Reference Conversation?

Reference checks are not about trying to catch someone out - they are about gaining reassurance and clarity.

During the conversation, look for:

Open and confident responses
Balanced feedback that includes strengths and areas for development
Specific examples rather than vague praise

If answers feel hesitant or unclear, it is reasonable to ask follow-up questions.

Often, the tone of the conversation can be just as informative as the words themselves.

Key Takeaways

Reference checks provide real insight into how a carer performs in practice
Speaking directly with referees often reveals more than written references
Ask about competence, reliability, and personality
Listen carefully to both the answers and the tone of the conversation
A short call can help you feel far more confident about your decision

FAQs

The goal is reassurance - helping you confirm that the carer’s skills, reliability, and personality align with your loved one’s needs.

A short phone call is usually more valuable than written references, as it allows you to ask follow-up questions and understand the referee’s genuine perspective.

Some referees are naturally cautious, but if responses feel unclear or guarded, it may be worth asking for additional examples or another reference.

Yes. Once the carer has provided permission and contact details, families are free to speak directly with referees.

Most professional carers provide at least two recent references, usually from employers, supervisors, or families they have supported.

Fred supports families in understanding their care options and arranging safe, flexible support at home. With over a decade of experience in the care sector, he helps families navigate private care with confidence and a clear understanding of what high-quality care should look like.